i need reassurance , please help .
my psychiatrist is adamant i DONT have bi polar , only borderline personality.
years ago i was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and my psychiatrist also accepted i have PTSD traits to.
im 31 and have endured a very hard life with abuse, victimization, mental abuse all throughout .
my symptoms from the age of 16 which got worse as years past by are :
mind racing, cluttered, scattered thoughts, forgetting what i was thinking minutes before —obsessive worries— repetitive asking questions on yahoo about same life circumstances —– impulsive outbursts of rage in public, difficult controlling aggression and rage ; antisocial anger towards people ; spacing out ( dissociation ) – persecutory paranoia , agoraphobia , intense panic and anxiety feelings when outside , palpitations ; a feeling of feeling abandoned and out of control : always found it difficult to concentrate and absorb information : ( although ive read books and understood them ) : keep having to re read sentences to understand them : mind drifts off whilst reading a page of words.
always had low self esteem, difficulty interacting, forming and maintaining friendships . im very intellectual and are often told im very intelligent, understand things well, talk well , and have a good mind. have a good imagination. can converse very well.
as a kid was quite hyperactive, always running around , but calmed alot into teenage years.
my mind always races every day, racing thoughts, keep forgetting things , my mind feels scattered with thoughts, difficulty trying to organise and structure.
have obsessive worrying thoughts about physical, mental health.
everyday i get mood swings, from feeling totally depressed and despairing one minute , then the next minute , ‘ ok ” again – if im in a severe depressive low , then someone talks to me, reassures me, gives me clarity —- my mood will suddenley lift to feeling ok again –
so would that rule out having bi polar ??
i used to have aggressive outburst in public, where stress would build up…my thoughts would race…disorganised….get paranoid that people were threatening me or persecuting me , get jealous of happy people — than i would just end up losing it like a mad man, threaten people attack, lash out at strangers….
this has greatly improved for years now….i learned to control my behaviour, been seeking help. even though psychotherapy isnt available because of lack of resources.
i often worry though do my symptoms mean any other disorder other than borderline personality disorder ??
like : OCD , GAD , bi polar , add , ?? what do you think ?
i lived as a reclusive for many years, developed agoraphobia , and only go out to pay bills do shopping etc – i have bad anxiety and panic attacks when i go out, hyper vigillant , cant venture far from my neighborhood anymore etc. i stay in my apartment most of the time etc.
Tags: aggression, asking questions on yahoo, borderline personality disorder, clarity, dissociation, drifts, friendships, life circumstances, low self esteem, mental abuse, mood swings, panic and anxiety, paranoia, physical mental health, psychiatrist, rage, reassurance, sentences, teenage years, worries
