Thank you for reading my post in Advance. My Mental illness started with a really bad Panic Attack earlier this year, I just felt really feverish, shaky, sweaty, and losing control out of no where for no apparent reason. I kept running to the bathroom every 4 minutes to either pee , throw up, or shit because my adrenaline was red lining. The feeling lasted all through the night until a week later of non stop anxiety. I couldn’t sleep nor eat for 3 nights. I stayed up all night pacing back and forth and researching what was happening to my mind and body. Even at one point I remember I felt as if I had really bad Amnesia because I couldn’t recognize myself or anyone else around me, I had no idea who the hell of what the hell anything or anybody was. This was a terrifying experience and soon after crippling depression followed. Not sleeping , eating , and feeling like I was losing my mind drove me to the point of wanting to commit suicide, I couldn’t stop thinking of ways to do it… hanging.. shooting myself.. driving off a cliff.. driving onto incoming traffic.. dropping an electrical appliance into the bathtub while bathing.. and on and on it went through my mind. Finally I went to a mental health "professional" and got on medication, the medication helped me eat and sleep but didn’t make me feel normal again, I still didn’t know who I was and what has happened to me, all i could think about was that less than a week ago i was perfectly normal, in college working on my future. After about 4 weeks of medication i decided that I was stable enough to get off of them and have been off for 8 months. My panic attacks are non existent but the depression is still there.. in full force. I have also begun experiencing an arsenal of physical and mental symptoms, chronic fatigue, constant low grade head pressure, cognitive decline, severe long term and short term memory loss (I can’t remember certain events in my life that all my friends can), violent thoughts of hurting loved ones, sometimes I lose touch with reality and feel like nothing is real, feel like everyone dislikes me, and etc. The list goes on and on.. Some weeks when the symptoms aren’t as bad I feel good.. closer to feeling "normal" again but they always return and make me feel like I am trapped in a vicious cycle that I can never get out of. Right now I am down in the dumps again, and suicide is plaguing my mind. I am confident that I won’t do it but I am starting to give up the battle. It would be nice to hear someones experience similar to mine. I don’t know if it just me but in my case my Mental Illness was brought upon by a very strange Panic Attack type experience and to make matters worse it came for no reason at the peak of my life. I am 19 years old and has dropped out of college to work and deal with my mental issues. I would like to hear other people’s experiences and see if they are similar to mine. I want to hear how it happened, how did you treat it / manage it, and where are you today? Please share and thank you for reading my post!

P.S I used to have a very strong Psyche when i was young and was never verbally or physically abused, was very bright growing up and had a loving caring family. I did experiment with drugs when I was younger… Weed for 6 years on and off… meth for 1 year.. and shrooms .. Ecstasy.. coke.. and acid here and there through out the years.

Tags: adrenaline, amnesia, apparent reason, bathtub, chronic fatigue, cognitive decline, electrical appliance, full force, incoming traffic, losing control, losing my mind, mental illness, mind and body, panic attack, Panic Attacks, pee, short term memory, short term memory loss, terrifying experience, violent thoughts

I have been suffering with mental illness for over 8 year now and its really starting to affect my life. I have been self harming for 8 years and over time developed and eating disorder. Jan this year I was admitted to a mental hospital for 2 weeks. I have rage outburts and they have not given a name to my illness but its sort of similar to Bipolar in a way. I get really angry and get irrational thoughts and get the urge to cut and if I cannot find something sharp, I usually scratch, I scratch my face, arms legs wherever I can really, I throw things and say things I dont mean, I sream and usually start having panic attacks. I have been identifying triggers and I was given Diazepam to calm me down when I feel myself getting wound up and sleeping tablets to help me sleep. I was doing ok for a few months, I was keeping in controll and managed to put on weight and not cut for 10 months, which is a pretty big deal for me, I was cutting nearly everyday. I had an outburst the other night and it scarred the hell out of me, I have a 3 year old little girl and I know I have to try and keep in control. I was discharged from the mental health team 4 months ago because they were happy how things were going and that I had a good family support network, so after my outburst I went to my doctors to ask for help. I asked for some more diazepam and sleeping tablets and my doctor refused. point blank no. Said ‘Im sorry we dont prescribe them here’ I said I know you do because another doctor in the same surgery prescribed them to me. He told me that he wouldnt give them to me. I told him I smoke cannabis when I feel like Im going to outburst and now I rely on cannabis and I dont want to touch it anymore but its my way of coping, so without it, my irrational thoughts are getting worse. My doctor said I should carry on smoking it! and when I started crying he said if I kick off I would be arrested!!!! He prescribed me anti depressants even though Im not really depressed (i threw it back in his face) and he said Im not mentally ill (so why the hell was I almost sectioned for 6 months in a mental hospital??) I had problems with my doctors surgery before, Just before I had a mental breakdown they told me I was fine and wouldnt give me the help I asked for. I dont feel confident to go back to my doctors, they are not helpful and leave me feeling hopless. I cannot live like this anymore, somedays I am too ashamed to leave the house and I am ruining relationships. I have had to say goodbye to the love of my life because we cant get on while things are this bad with me. My doctor cant understand this, he said I belong in prison (which really hurt by the way, I have a clean criminal record) I know I need to do this for my daughter. I am a big believer that if you want a job done properly, do it yourself. o i have started studying Psychology and I can tell you now, it sounds like my ‘doctor’ doesnt know what he is going on about. I wont go back to my doctors now. But what do you think, is he in the wrong and can he refuse treatment I have had before that I know works for me????
I have had the treatment before and it helped a great deal, I tried anti depressants and they never worked for me. The reason he would prescribe me what I NEEDED is because he personally wont prescribe it but other doctors will, I have seen other doctors in the same surgery but Im in the process of changing to another surgery and getting back in touch with my CPN because she worked very closly with me in hosptial. My friend who has eating problems went to the same doctor and he said there is nothing he can do for he, she will just have to try and eat more and she is severly underweight and is suppose to be given Protein shakes, I know whats wrong with me and I know what the doctors are suppose to give me, but this doctor wouldnt and his attitude was terrible, he made me cry then shouted at me for crying
Sorry I should have added, He didnt want to prescribe them to me.
Im thinking of reporting him and making a complaint, doctors are suppose to make you feel better, confident and happy that your health is in their hands. My doctor made me feel like I wanted to kill myself

Tags: 10 months, 4 months, 8 years, anti depressants, bipolar, diazepam, doctors, eating disorder, irrational thoughts, legs, little girl, mental health team, mental hospital, mental illness, outburst, Panic Attacks, rage, self harming, sleeping tablets, urge

i saw a psychiatrist last week for an assesment and i told him about i worry about my inner anger, low moods, my racing thoughts where im constantly worrying and thinking about things, and forgetting. the fact that ive withdrawn into myself and dont wanna go out anywhere because i have panic attacks, and im scared of being inappropriatly angry, which i have in the past, i told him i have paranoid ideas to. but after all this he still thinks i have some type of personality disorder…and that i require some talking treatments…but he said i dont have a mental illness or depression and would perscribe me medication…can anyone help with this? you may have to read my other questions to see all the probs i have

Tags: anger, depression, medication, mental illness, moods, Panic Attacks, personality disorder, probs, psychiatrist, thinking about things, type of personality

So you see I googled everything I could to explain why was getting so sick and it kept coming back to the same thing, a broken heart. I thought… fucking bullshit, thats not a real cause of anything…

But as it turns out, my psychologist says its not a joke or poetic word. It’s a real mental illness that can cause severe health problems as it is doing already. Apparently my great aunty died of it when her husband passed away…

Mental Symptoms -
# Mania: I have extreme highs when nothing can get me down, not even the worst things in the world
# Depression: I cry everynight almost now
# Insomnia: I don’t sleep to well and constantly wake up in the middle of the night, and I can’t sleep at all unless Teddy is in my arms
# Loss of concentration: I fade in and out in TAFE classes doing a thousand yard stare which apparently is another symptom
# OCD: I must be wearing my necklace and bracelet that Josh gave to me otherwise I break down completely. When my teacher took the bracelet off me I had a small anxiety attack.
# Suicidal thoughts (in extreme cases): Yes I have had them, but they pass very quickly with my drugs. Like I think of the option but it doesn’t interest me.
# The thousand-yard stare: Already said I have them.
# A feeling of complete emptiness: Like theres nothing really to life at all… its just a boring ride… but I use to have those feelings long before I met Josh.

Physical Symptoms -
# Upset stomach: I started crying last night at Youth Group and ran to the bathroom to throw up
Change in appetite: When this all first started I didn’t eat for 4 days straight and still barely eat now
# Dizziness and confusion: That time I ran all the way to my friends house. The confusion was when I couldn’t remember a thing of where I was or what happened.
# Comatose: When I reached my friends house and couldn’t say anything but Josh’s name.
# A perceived tightness of the chest, similar to an anxiety attack: I find that when I have an anxiety attack I can’t breath and begin to pant. Like when my teacher took my bracelet off me.
# Anger: When my mother brought his name up in the car and I screamed at her not to mention his name
# Nostalgia
# Apathy (loss of interest): I was playing a game the other week at Inspire when I just completely lost interest and sat out, it happens even at TAFE while we are doing something or talking about something really interesting I just give up and don’t put much effort to it anymore.
# Feelings of loneliness: I feel it all the time and surround myself with friends to put that feeling off.
# Loss of self-respect and/or self-esteem: I’ve lost great respect for myself, I said and I promised him I would help him. But I haven’t… That’s something I worry about frequantly

# In extreme cases, death: No, that hasn’t happened… lol

My doctor said that I’m pushing the boundary to being hospitalized, he’s looking at another drug for me to go on seeing as thought my anti-depressants are only doing half the job.
I never thought Love Sick was actually a real thing, let alone deadly…
So tell me…

Ever heard of something like this or no someone whose been through this… I couldn’t help but laugh even when my doctor said it was no laughing matter and I’m a severe case… lol, no I know why they say love kills…

Tags: anx, anxiety attack, appetite, aunty, broken heart, complete emptiness, confusion, dizziness, extreme cases, extreme highs, health problems, insomnia, loss of concentration, mental illness, poetic word, psychologist, suicidal thoughts, upset stomach, world depression, youth group

I’m 16 years old and I almost obessively read about mental illnesses and think I have them. I will read a mental illness and almost convince myself I have it, which gives me an anxiety attack. To give you an example of how bad this is, in the passed month I have been scared that I have:
Bipolar illness
Schizophrenia
Shizoid personality disorder
ADHD
Aspegers Syndrome

I know its ridiculous! I obviously dont really have all these problems because no one has them all together. I am almost like a hypochondriac but with mental illness, not physical. Is this even possible?? What is wrong with me? I can’t stop worrying I have something wrong with me and looking up symptoms. I spend about 3 hours of my day if not MORE looking up symptoms!
Also, I keep asking my mom for reassurence, since she is a mental health nurse (ironically) I will ask her over and over again if there’s anything wrong with me. She says no. The same goes for my doctor.
I DO suffer from OCD, that is a fact. I was diagnosed by my doctor I have never been to a psychologist. Could this be a form of OCD?

Tags: adhd, anxiety attack, bipolar, hypochondriac, mental health nurse, mental illness, mental illnesses, mom, ocd, personality disorder, psychologist, schizophrenia

My Father is 58. he is an alcoholic and has had depression for quite some time. In the last few weeks he has been experiencing extreme panic attacks. He said he would go to the Doctor but is now refusing. I think he is becoming agoraphobic as well. As far as I can tell he will refuse treatment. I have talked to him about cognitive and behavioral therapy, but he treats me like I am 12(I am 30)and just dismisses my information. My Mom has bought him the light for light therapy, and I am againts anti-depressants(and anti anxiety) because of his extreme alcoholism. We will pay for a treatment center if we think he will go. Any suggestions for us to help him would be appreciated.
Thanks Paula we are thinking about doing an intervention, but I feel like my Mom thinks she would just be shipping him away, and she has to be willing to change her life to, I am not sure if she is willing. Unfortunately I can not be around him. I suffer from a mental illness as well and I spent the majority of my life having to deal with my Fathers alcoholism and listening to himsaying the meanest things tome, I will not willingly put myself in that situation. I just want him to get help, but right now it seems he would rather wallow in it. I guess I just need some assurance that I am doing all I can to help. I have been researching, and I found a place for him but it is in Quebec and would be 3-6 months. My MOm is the one who has to say it is time, even though I think the time is now. Thank you Paula

Tags: alcoholism, anti depressants, anxiety, behavioral therapy, depression, light therapy, mental illness, mom, Panic Attacks, quebec, quite some time