
So I have bronchitis and I was planning on going to the doctor.
and ive been on break from school for the past 2 weeks. and since then ive had nothing to do except sit at home and lay here and think all these negative thoughts
I used to be active (i was on the swim team for the entire season
)
and now i havent swam in over a month
I had my first panic attack when nobody was home, and i was FREAKING OUT AND LOSING CONTROL.
and i keep reading and reading and reading, and im seeing a therapist soon
bottom line, i think all this has given me depression and GAD panic attack stuff.
im panicky all day long until i go to sleep (and its hard for me to fall asleep because im basically worrying myself sick)
can these worries lead to something more?
because I have wierd feelings in my left arm that are EXTREMELY exaggerated when im nervous.
my left arm also feels heavy (if i think about it)
now bear with me, i know this sounds crazy
because i believe im going crazy when this happens.
i try to stand and feel all jello-like in my legs and i have to sit down.
sometimes im scared to go in the shower because i had an attack in the shower.
(every place i have anxious feelings about i want to avoid)
this is the most scary thing
i have school on january 5, and when i went to the doctors office i wanted everyone to leave,or me to leave, or just to escape the room. then i went and saw the doctor ad i was very nervous……….>.< AHHH! i just want to SCREAM.
(which i have done ;D )
but…my sister is in a treatment facility and she has been for the past year or so, and all the stress form that has been eating away at me. (maybe thats a big thing)
but are these physical symptoms something more?
because they seem to go away when I dont think about it….i think…..GAHH I DONT KNOW
for the past month i keep imagining myself in an asylum screaming and crying that nobody can help me.
and mom and dad are like "why….why did this have to happen….etc." and my SISTER is already away for massive problems with mentality, and i dont want to be insane.
AM I INSANE?!
(sorry this is so long…..and bless you if you read it all xD)
but i feel crazy rambling, but im trying to explain just how scary this is.
SO! when i went to the store yesterday, i felt trapped and scared
and if im like, going to school, how the HELL am i supposed to feel being away from home, etc.
but i AM going to go.
I HAVE TO.
therapy can help?
please.
any body out there as scared and confused as I am?
i mean…I want my life back
im only 15…..
>.> my heart goes out to anyone who feels this way
and will these feelings pass?
by the way, my sister and i are adopted from different families in Russia, and we dont know anything about our heredity.
were in america now.
Tags: anxious feelings, asylum, bottom line, bronchitis, depression, doctors office, entire season, going to the doctor, jello, left arm, legs, losing control, lt, mom and dad, negative thoughts, panic attack, sleep, stress, swim team, worries