So you see I googled everything I could to explain why was getting so sick and it kept coming back to the same thing, a broken heart. I thought… fucking bullshit, thats not a real cause of anything…
But as it turns out, my psychologist says its not a joke or poetic word. It’s a real mental illness that can cause severe health problems as it is doing already. Apparently my great aunty died of it when her husband passed away…
Mental Symptoms -
# Mania: I have extreme highs when nothing can get me down, not even the worst things in the world
# Depression: I cry everynight almost now
# Insomnia: I don’t sleep to well and constantly wake up in the middle of the night, and I can’t sleep at all unless Teddy is in my arms
# Loss of concentration: I fade in and out in TAFE classes doing a thousand yard stare which apparently is another symptom
# OCD: I must be wearing my necklace and bracelet that Josh gave to me otherwise I break down completely. When my teacher took the bracelet off me I had a small anxiety attack.
# Suicidal thoughts (in extreme cases): Yes I have had them, but they pass very quickly with my drugs. Like I think of the option but it doesn’t interest me.
# The thousand-yard stare: Already said I have them.
# A feeling of complete emptiness: Like theres nothing really to life at all… its just a boring ride… but I use to have those feelings long before I met Josh.
Physical Symptoms -
# Upset stomach: I started crying last night at Youth Group and ran to the bathroom to throw up
Change in appetite: When this all first started I didn’t eat for 4 days straight and still barely eat now
# Dizziness and confusion: That time I ran all the way to my friends house. The confusion was when I couldn’t remember a thing of where I was or what happened.
# Comatose: When I reached my friends house and couldn’t say anything but Josh’s name.
# A perceived tightness of the chest, similar to an anxiety attack: I find that when I have an anxiety attack I can’t breath and begin to pant. Like when my teacher took my bracelet off me.
# Anger: When my mother brought his name up in the car and I screamed at her not to mention his name
# Nostalgia
# Apathy (loss of interest): I was playing a game the other week at Inspire when I just completely lost interest and sat out, it happens even at TAFE while we are doing something or talking about something really interesting I just give up and don’t put much effort to it anymore.
# Feelings of loneliness: I feel it all the time and surround myself with friends to put that feeling off.
# Loss of self-respect and/or self-esteem: I’ve lost great respect for myself, I said and I promised him I would help him. But I haven’t… That’s something I worry about frequantly
# In extreme cases, death: No, that hasn’t happened… lol
My doctor said that I’m pushing the boundary to being hospitalized, he’s looking at another drug for me to go on seeing as thought my anti-depressants are only doing half the job.
I never thought Love Sick was actually a real thing, let alone deadly…
So tell me…
Ever heard of something like this or no someone whose been through this… I couldn’t help but laugh even when my doctor said it was no laughing matter and I’m a severe case… lol, no I know why they say love kills…
Tags: anx, anxiety attack, appetite, aunty, broken heart, complete emptiness, confusion, dizziness, extreme cases, extreme highs, health problems, insomnia, loss of concentration, mental illness, poetic word, psychologist, suicidal thoughts, upset stomach, world depression, youth group