basically ive had a very hard life, suffered psychological and physical abuse, bullying etc – psychological abuse prolonged throughout years..
ive missed out on all the normal things in life, – relationships, work, education etc.
i have a criminal record 8 years ago, been in a mental hospital 8 years ago.
alot of bad things have befallen me – ive lived in my own apartment now for 5 years , been seeking help , trying to better my life….control my rage outburst that used to get years ago.
i live on disability and have hardly any possessions.
years ago i was diagnosed with borderline personality, im still struggling to get the right help and therapy , even after all these years – the mental health services have failed me in general ..
i also suffer with post traumatic stress disorder, i have all the symptoms, but ive not been diagnosed and need to get it diagnosed..
im now 31, my psychiatrist feels i dont have any other disorder or illness , like bipolar and all my symptoms cover borderline personality..
but i feel i have other disorders co existing that are going undetected with the BPD……..i see my psychiatrist tommorrow where i plan to raise this topic again.
i know i have ptsd as well as borderline personality that needs to be assessed and diagnosed , but i worry also i have ADHD and bipolar ?
heres my symptoms that ive had years :
mind racing everyday , scattered, muddled , disorganised thoughts.
- struggle to focus , cant hold onto a thought , 100 thoughts flooding my brain at once.
- forget things i thought of moments before – my head feels pressurized with the racing thoughts everyday .
- mood swings everyday , 1 moment in depths of despair, severley down , then to feeling ” ok ” the next minute.
- feeling angry, sad, worthless, hopeless , , lethargic, no energy to do things , wash dishes etc – quick to become enraged and aggressive.
-worrying constantly about the same things everyday , : physical health , my future , no hope , death, feeling trapped , traumatic past – obsessively worrying about it.
- feel jumpy ” panicky ” ” on edge ”
- get brief euphoric feelings , ” shortlived ” back to despairing and depressed , no energy , no energy to do chores, tidy up etc, clean my teeth etc.
- feeling like i have no future , ” theres no hope ” – hopelessness – feeling trapped in present situation.
- bad anxiety throughout everyday , phoning health helplines to check out physical symptoms ……thoughts racing wildly.
- constantly feeling my minds never at rest .
- racing thoughts everyday constantly worrying about everything – my physical imperfections , my 2 missing teeth etc , present situation , physical health.
- struggle to concentrate or focus , read a page of writing.
- racing thoughts , scattered thoughts , mind going blank , feeling disorganised and jumbled up – cant hold onto a racing thought, forget things a few moments later .
- still fight anger , rage feelings especially when outside in public – get ‘ reminders ‘ ‘ flashbacks ‘ ‘ paranoia ‘ ‘ reliving ‘ painful events , thats when rage takes me and i have to fight very hard not to lose my conduct.
- filled with panic , palpatations , very bad anxiety at same time, whilst outside.
- when i get racing thoughts feel very volatile to losing control of rage or losing control of conduct , have a feeling of feeling ‘ out of control ‘.
struggle with conduct still and rage emotions.
- startled responses , jumpy reactions , difficulty controlling rage feelings ,
- feelings of being ostracized by society , alienated by people , the systems against me.
- nightmares most nights , recalling past memories that resurface , bringing rage feelings and grief.
hypervigillant outside , hyper alert , on the defensive , get flashbacks – on edge all times when out.
- space out whilst outside , get dissocociation.
used to have rage outbursts and act antisocial towards people, lose control of rage involuntary and lash out -
controlled those outburst for years.
basically there all my symptoms , now i feel i have other disorders as well as ptsd and borderline personality, like ” bipolar ”
but my psychiatrist and mental health team dont thinks so, so what should i do tommorrow when i get the same reaction ?
Tags: 8 years, bipolar, borderline personality, bpd, criminal record, life relationships, mental health services, mental hospital, mood swings, outburst, physical abuse, possessions, post traumatic stress, post traumatic stress disorder, psychiatrist, psychological abuse, tommorrow, traumatic stress disorder, wash dishes, work education
